


Big Nuthin'

by fengirl88



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Crack, Humor, M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-16 18:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3498398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fengirl88/pseuds/fengirl88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles and Erik are guests on a talk show. It goes about as well as you would expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Nuthin'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aesc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesc/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Magneto vs. The Magical X-Men](https://archiveofourown.org/works/672881) by [aesc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesc/pseuds/aesc). 



> This AU is set in the world of aesc's brilliant [Magneto vs. The Magical X-Men](http://archiveofourown.org/works/672881/chapters/1231029), in which Charles is the creator of the _Magical X-Men_ comics series and Magneto is the world's most terrifying fanboy. All the other characters here are fictional, and this is not a work of RPF.

In hindsight, booking Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr as guests on _American Pye_ was a really terrible idea. Xavier, better known as Francis Pembroke, the creator of the hugely popular _Magical X-Men_ comics, was usually a charmer, but his ex-supervillain lover was a different matter. Even after years of Xavier’s calming influence, Magneto was famously short-tempered and, it turned out, still given to destroying metal objects when things didn’t go his way...

“Gah,” the producer said, contemplating the ruins of the TV studio. He didn’t like to think what those cameras would cost to replace. He was pretty sure management would tell him, down to the last cent, just as soon as they’d got through dealing with the transmission outage.

The fanart stuff should have been an easy five-minute segment. All the talk shows were doing it these days. Sure, the crazy fangirls would bitch and moan about breaking the fourth wall, but who cared what they thought? And Vincent Pye was a talk show host at the top of his game, all Southern charm with a wicked streak as wide as the Mississippi. 

What nobody had bargained for was Magneto saying he’d _commissioned_ that explicit fanart to illustrate one of his most popular _Magical X-Men_ fics, thank you very much. Vincent was still reeling from the revelation that Magneto wrote fanfiction when Xavier announced that he personally loved that artwork, and that Magneto’s conquering cape looked particularly fine in it. (The conquering cape was the only item of clothing in the picture. The producer had assumed it was a purple carpet, or possibly a bedsheet. It made an impressive backdrop for the coupling that was going on in the foreground.)

“ _Magical X-Men_ exists for its fans,” Xavier had said, fixing Vincent with a glare. “It’s very poor manners to insult them in this way.”

The producer still wasn’t sure what had happened next. Xavier put his fingers to his head and wiggled them a bit, and Vincent Pye gave a startled sort of squeak and launched into a spirited rendition of _I’m A Little Teapot_ , complete with gestures. 

_American Pye_ went out live. That was the whole point. Wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do.

And then the cameras cut out. Well, cut out was one way of putting it. Tied themselves in knots would be another. He’d never seen anything like it.

Heads would roll for this, and it wouldn’t end with the keen young researcher who’d sourced the fanart. The producer groaned.

In the green room, Magneto and Xavier were locked in an embrace that would have sent ratings through the ceiling if only there’d been anything left to film it with. And in the corner of the studio, Vincent Pye, now apparently under the impression that he was a penguin, was pestering the floor manager for fish.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Roches' song of the same name.
> 
> The conquering cape is keire_ke's invention, and first appeared in a comment on Magneto vs. The Magical X-Men.


End file.
